Patience

Im running low on patience. Im assuming this is a side effect of the last 3 weeks of my life, that has been trying to say the least. I find myself looking at the clock all the time. Is the mail here yet? Is it time for Charlies nap......please? Is it time for a glass of wine? Is it time to go to sleep? Yet, when I took the rental car back it said on the invoice 14 days. Really? Has it really been 2 weeks? I think im in a cloud. I dont like it. I dont feel good, and im oh so irritable. I think all of this would be lifted if I just had an address. My daily letters to Pete are starting to look more like "Dear Diary's" because I feel as though im talking to myself, he isnt reading them. I called his recruiter and he couldnt get Pete's address for me because I dont have a unit number for him. Im just praying that I get a letter from him today with a return address. Im doing my best, but damn its hard. Im exhausted. I went to my cloth diaper group today, and usually this puts me in a wonderful mood. Not today. My heart has been aching so much, that I feel like ive separated it from my body. Disconnected. I went to bed the other night and laid on Pete's side of the bed staring at the ceiling. All of a sudden I sit up, and start feeling around the bedroom floor looking for the shirt of his that I didnt wash. I couldnt find it and I started crying. Crying because I caught myself in the desperate act of a woman longing for her husband, crying because im feeling sorry for myself, and crying because I just want to go to sleep with his smell. Ive always been an optimist. Always. I still am, Im just out of energy.

We watch Charlies "Daddy DVD" every morning. Gives me some time to drink a cup of coffee, because she sits so attentively watching his every move. Here is a video of her watching him. She loves him so.