Spring on Bonnieview

Spring has sprung. Children are getting there pictures taken with bunnies, wedding invitations every other day in the mail, and the flowers are starting to look oh so gorgeous. I love spring, but I say that at the beginning of ever season.

I was able to get out of the house last night to have dinner with a bunch of friends, all of whom have known my husband for 10 plus years. It made me miss him so. I love hearing stories about him. I love seeing him through other peoples eyes. Its like an outside perspective of how truly awesome he is.....im proud to be Mrs Sneaky. It felt good to eat dinner at a slower pace then usually. Everyone seems to be getting married or getting pregnant. I love it. I love.....love.

This morning I got together with two dear friends of me and Peters who are in town from Tennessee. Its so nice for Charlie to have other midgets to run around with, and for me to have another mama to vent with. Most of the time me and Ellie didnt even have to finish a sentence, we just knew what the other one is saying. Peter has know Brian since he was 3 or so. They were best friends. The Throop house is just down the street from the Kerr house. Their back yard is just wonderful. Nice big trees, grass, and shade. Lots of toys for the kiddies. It was a perfect day. Peter as a boy played in this yard. I pictured him running around, laughing and having fun. I could hear him laughing through Charlies laughter. I thought of how much he would enjoy watching her play in grass that he once did. Sitting with his old dear friend, watching their Children play and have fun together. The day will come soon where Pete and Brian can do this, and it will be lovely.

I got to talking with Joan (Brians mom) about Sue. She has known the Kerr's for 20 plus years. In a way watching her watch Charlie made me feel as though Sue was there. Joan started crying a little when we talked of the dreaded week 18 months ago, and it hit me again just how loved and adored the Kerrs are....how Sue was. It aches my heart daily that she never got to touch Charlie...i know she sees her from heaven....but touch her. Bonnieview has a lot of memories......good and bad, but thats life. Good and bad...Yin and Yang. Its nice to be among your people though (or your greatest loves people)....nice to feel the breeze of laughter past and present.

Carolina on my mind.....

So. Ive decided that I need to blog more. When I first started the blog, I was posting a lot more, and my posts were more in depth....the way I intended. Updating once a week isnt cutting it. How do I smush a million feeling, or all of the amazing things Charlie does in a week into one post? The purpose of this was to capture my day to day. At least I will try.

Peter called yesterday. He got word as to where we will be moving next month. Ft Bragg NC!Im pleased, though at this point I would have been pleased living on the moon as long as it was with him. As soon as I hung up the phone, I went to the Internet and started investigating. I looks awesome. I guess the biggest thing, will be getting there. 3 cats, 1 baby, 2 freaked out adults = insanity! We will see what happens. An adventure to say the least. I just want it to be May already. Hanging pictures in our new home. Falling asleep to Peters snoring...and Charlies too. I turn 30 April 24th.....holy crap i just re-read that...THIRTY. Needless to say, I will be bringing in 30 in a new place...pretty cool.

Today we went to a park where they hold a babywearing group. I love being around other mom's with the same thinking as me. Its great because Charlie can just run around like a crazy lady, and im just one of many moms chasing there kids around. Moms are rad. Multitasking is an art, and babywearing moms have figured it out. To somone watching it probably looks like total chaos, but really these woman are able to hold conversation, demonstrate different baby carriers and wraps, breastfeed a baby, and make sure the walking one doesnt hurt themselves..all at once...awesome. All this with ease

Ok...enough of that. On to talking about the little things that make my world spin. Charlie. She is just amazing. All day long I sit and watch her. Watching what she will do next. Watching her discover the world. I guess I will be doing this forever...and thats just fine by me. We took her to the beach the other day. I was still feeling under the weather, but its hard to say no to a gorgeous San Diego day. She has no fear. She charges the ocean...loving the cold water on her toes. She would stand there looking at the ground watching the water come up and touch her feet, only to drift back away. She would say "bye bye" when the water would recede. One of the most brilliant things about being a parent is witnessing this. The ity bity little things in life are what makes life,......life. Oh, how we get caught up in the world..fixating on things that done mean a damn thing. Beautiful moments pass and no one notices. Children open your eyes again to the little things. Turn off the TV, and go sit in the grass with your baby...that is what its all about. I always tried to pay attention to the small moments in life....i think thats why i love photography so much....but now...now its so much more important. Thank you Charlie.

Past, Present, Future

I recently spent a week in Albuquerque visiting my Dad, Step-mom, and little sister. Traveling solo with a baby is rough. I decided not to bring the stroller, and rather wear Charlie in my Podaegi on my back. It was so much easier, and left me with two free hands to man the luggage. I got a ton of stares.

Coming home to New Mexico is always strange for me. It holds so many memories. A lot of good ones, and equally just as many bad memories. I have a tendency to push bad memories so far in the back of my brain, that i dont remember them at all, until im in the city that my ghosts live in. Its good. Its painful, but good to remember the past. Reminds me of who I am now....and thats whats important.

Charlie wasnt feeling well most of the trip. I assumed it was just the new place and new people, and this big ol molar she has been trying to cut. Then her nose started running non stop and she started to get a cough. The trip home was rough. I was so happy to be home. Unfortunately I was greeted with a horrible cold when we got home, and i have been pretty laid up since we got back. Being sick with a baby sucks. Luckily my mom is here, and as i type this im lying in her bed while she watches Charlie so i can rest. Moms rock.

This week marks one month until Pete graduates AIT. One month until we move. Still not exactly sure where or when that will be, but we know its coming. I know that there is a ton of stuff i should be doing, but i dont know where to start. I think in a way i dont want to start until pete gets here. The Army will be doing the move for us, so really i just need to start weeding threw the stuff we dont want. Its freaking me out. Im so excited to be a family with my husband once again, but so scared at the same time. Leaving my mom. Its starting to sink in that she isnt coming with us. I want to break out sobbing just thinking of it...so i dont. Try to focus on the excitement of being in a new place with my husband instead. Charlie is so smart, and picking up new things every day. I cant wait for Pete to start teaching her things. I cant wait to see them love each other again..this time different. I cant wait for her to hug and kiss her daddy, for her to lead him around playing with him. She needs her daddy. He helped make her, and its time for him to help teach her.

So heres to the past (ghost of NM) present (sick and scared ) and future (cha cha changes).