A wonderful month....

What a month. Ill start with Peter's graduation from Basic Training......

Pete's dad, sister, me and Charlie left for Missouri on a Tuesday morning. The trip our there was as smooth as could be. Charlie was an Angel. We got to our hotel at Ft. Lenordwood around 8. We were greeted in the lobby of the hotel with a 4 ft Santa that would sing and dance every-time you walked by, obviously the owner of the hotel was a big Christmas buff because it was little early for christmas decor, but it did help add to our excitement. The next day we decided to go on base and see where Pete had been living for the past 10 weeks. It was almost torture knowing he was somewhere close by, but not being able to see him. I kept hoping we would see him in formation. We went to the PX and did a little shopping the headed back to the hotel. Ate dinner at Ft. Leanordwood version of out back. I really had a hard time containing my excitement. It felt like Christmas eve and i couldnt wait to go to bed so i could wake up and see my love. The morning of the graduation we got up early and ate breakfast. The hotel was filled with families of soldier graduating and you could feel everyones anticipation. We arrived early to the graduation, and good thing too...the place was packed! We got great seats. When the graduation started one of the drill sergeant got on stage and "called" the company. All of a sudden we heard the stomp of 200 feet.....and then they started marching out. I was frantically looking for Pete. When we finally saw him, I was so excited that I got bashful....BASHFUL of my husband! Such an amazing feeling. He looked so handsome and so accomplished. The ceremony was amazing. After it was over the company marched back to the reception hall where we could meet him. We followed the company there, listening to there credence chants. When it was time to go in a meet him, I couldnt get there fast enough. I saw him and just threw my arms around him...felt amazing. I was so proud. We spent the day in the hotel room, visiting with Pete. Listening to all of his new awesome stories. He took like 3 baths...poor guy deserved it! The day went by way to fast. Next thing we new it was time to say goodbye again. It was just as hard as it was 10 week earlier. Pete had his phone now , and as soon as we got back from dropping him off i started getting his ever loved text's and calls. We were technologically connected again...so wonderful.

Pete arrived at Ft. Eustis VA for his AIT the next day. The second day he was there he found our that he would be getting a pass to come home for Thanksgiving! What an amazing gift! We decided not to tell his family and surprise them Thanksgiving day! The were shocked...the video to prove it below! Having him here for 2 days was short but glorious. He was able to be here for Charlie's 1st birthday party! What greater gift could I ask for, then to have my husband by my side for our daughters first birthday?

Her birthday was great. Lots of friends, cake, and presents. Bittersweet for mommy though. I cant belive my baby is one. Peter took the redeye back to VA that night. He is coming home for 2 weeks on the 19th. It will be so wonderful. Really it will be the last time we have that much time together for a while. For all we know he could be deploy soon after graduating AIT. We have no idea. The day after Pete gets here, we have gotten a hotel room on the beach. Our first night away from baby in a year. Very excited for the break...mommy needs it.

The moment we saw Pete at Graduation.

Pete dancing with Charlie just before he went back to the base from the hotel.

Surprising the Kerr's with Pete on Thanksgiving!

Pride

The amount of pride I have for what my husband, and our family, is doing overwhelms me. It is an amazing feeling. A feeling that can settle a heart longing for her man. Watching the news today and driving down the streets, seeing the American flag and people honoring our veterans and active duty, made me smile with all of my heart. Im happy we are serving our country. The sacrifices are hard...very hard, but this pride is something that will stay with us, and our children forever. Im sure that i will go back in forth with this, in times of pure desperation and longing for my husband, but right now im proud.

One week from tomorrow I will see Pete go from a man to a soldier. It will be wonderful. I have been counting down for 10 weeks, and I can hardly believe it just a week away. Its been a hard week. Charlie has been sick, I got either food poisoning or a stomach bug and taking care of a sick baby when you yourself feel like you are going to vomit at any minute is miserable. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, but not an option for a temporarily single mom. Charlie is walking everywhere now, its the cutest thing ever. However because of this new found skill, she is so excited at night that she is fighting bed time. I was rocking her in her room tonight, and she literally wiggled out of my arms, and walked to the living room. I kind of sat in the chair for a minute to see if she would come back...but nope. This girl is a fee spirit thats for sure. Normally when my patience would run out, or when I was not feeling well, Pete would step in. I have my mom, and that im forever grateful, but not the same as a spouse.

So on our first Veterans day, I not only salute our military past and present, I salute the wives and families that support them. Whether it be battling terrorism, or battling a 1 year old fighting sleep , its hard......but worth every second.

18 days

18 day till I can kiss my loves face off. I got to talk to Pete several times on the phone today, he had a day off. It was wonderful. He sounds different...stronger. I can hear his heart ache for Charlie though and it makes me sad. I tell him of all of the new things she is learning, and her walking everywhere and it just kills him that he is missing it. He worries that she will forget him. I tell him that, that will never happen. His graduation is November 19. We get to take him off base for 12 glorious hours. He ships off to Virginia for his AIT, that is 19 weeks long, the next day. Pretty sure he will get a couple weeks off at Christmas, which will be the best Christmas present ever. Im trying to keep myself as busy as possible the next 2 weeks so they go by fast. I just cant even wait. Im oh so proud of my man, my husband, my soldier. The sacrifices we are making will pay off in the long run, and some day when we are old we will look back at this time and smile about how much stronger it made us as a couple...im sure of it. He sent me this picture that was taken of him when he first got to Basic training. I cant wait to compare the pictures of his befor and after...i bet you can see his strength.

Getting use to the void.

I dont know which is worse. The initial pain of having your love be gone, or getting use to them not being there. At first it was a sharp intense pain, now its more like a throbbing headache. Its horrible getting use to not having Pete here. Its all wrong. I find myself trying to remember his smell. The shirt that I didnt wash doesnt smell like him anymore.

Me and Charlie getting use to our love being gone, just reaffirms to me that our lives will never be the same. Even when Pete is done with his training and we are a family again...it wont be the same. Pete wont be the same. He is going to come home a different man, and I a different woman. Charlie is changing by the second as well. Being aware of the looming change, and trying my best to not have expectations I think will help us adapt to our new lives. Trying to look at it as an adventure. Hopefully Pete will come home more confident then ever, and I am discovering a lot of inner strength and confidence in my capability as a mother. Charlie is becoming this amazing human being...right before my eyes. My heart aches at what Pete is missing by being away, not as much as his heart aches though. Sacrifices for the better is what I keep telling myself.....seems as though im talking to myself a lot these days.

Less then 4 weeks till Pete's graduation from Basic Training. We get to take him off base for 8 hours or so. It will be so wonderful, but not nearly enough time. The day after graduation Pete leaves for his Advance Individual Training which is 19 weeks long. He will get to come home for Christmas, and AIT isnt quite as intense as BCT. April cant come soon enough. I close my eyes and pretend to be in a U-hal with Pete and Charlie getting ready to start our new life together as a family. I tell ya one thing. After all of this is said and done, I will never take the moments we have together as a family for granted. Every second is precious.

The view at 5,281 feet

Just got back from Colorado today. It was amazing. Every time I go back to Colorado, I immediately get greeted with a sense of home. I was born here, my mom was born here, my Grandma was born here, her parents were born here, their parents were born here, and here I am bringing my daughter to the motherland for the first time. Denver is an amazing place. The back drop is the Rocky Mountains, and the in between farmland. Smell prompts so many different memories and emotions, and the smell of my grandparents always makes me feel comfortable and cozy. I love that my grandparents smell is now locked in Charlies soul. It will always be deep inside of her. Someday she may be walking along and catch a whiff of something that is familiar and wonderful...it will be them. Charlie fell in love with them....and them her. It felt so good to watch her crawling around the house and starring at pictures and things that I, at one time, crawled around and starred at. As a little girl, I remember getting so excited to wake up in the morning at my Grandmas house. She was always awake well before the rest of us. She greeted us with a big hug, and asked us what we wanted for breakfast. I still feel that way when staying at my grandparents. Watching Charlie play in the fall leaves was so heart warming. San Diego doesnt have the same kind of "fall" feel that Colorado does. Her listening to the crunch sounds and brisk smell of the leaves....made me feel like a kid again. Keeping my fingers crossed that I will be at altitude again...soon.

Two years

Pete and I's 2 year anniversary is tomorrow. I sent him some cough drops and a card. I got a call from him today, which was the best anniversary gift I could ask for. His calls are bitter sweet. I miss him terribly when I get off the phone, but feel a little bit more energized.

Our wedding was glorious to say the least. I planned it in only 2 months, which I have to give myself praise for. It was an amazing party....and boy did everyone party. One of my favorite moment was watching Pete dance with his mom. Pete picked out the song "Edelwiss" from The Sound of Music. It was a cover, and the woman who sung it had a very "bijorky" sound. The moment the song came on and Pete and Sue started dancing, everyone started singing along...everyone. The next day my Aunt said to me "I didnt know that moments like that happened in real life...it was a musical come to life!". She was right. Thats how magical of a moment it was. I had thrown my neck out earlier that day, and was fighting a mean cold..but it didnt stop me from having the time of my life. It was what I always dreamed of. Im a lucky girl.

I reminded Pete on the phone of how lucky we are to have the kind of love that we have. The kind of love the perseveres. Tomorrow I will be thinking of the happy days in the past, and even happier days in the future. I love being Mrs. Sneaky Pete.

One

One year. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary on my sweet Mother in-law Sue's death, painfully followed 2 days later by my brother in-law Jims death. Some days it feels like yesterday that we lived threw that horrible week, other days it feel like a life time ago.

Sue had been fighting aggressive lung cancer for close to 3 years. When she got diagnosed they gave her 3 months, she wasnt having that. She fought the cancer with a sense of humor and gratitude for every day she had. When the decision was made to call in hospice, the only thing that set our minds at ease was Sue. It was what she wanted. She was at peace with it. She was tired.

3 days before she died I got a call from Pete on my way home from work. He said that he had just talked to his mom, and she didnt sound ok. He wanted me to go by the house and check on her. I believe that was the moment that my stomach created a knot that hasnt gone away. When I walked in the house I was greeted with the smell of cupcakes. They were making cupcakes for my niece Elise's birthday. I went to the back bedroom, where I had spent many days in the past month laying in the bed next to Sue. Talking about Charlie and parenting, filling out a memory book I had bought for her, laughing and telling jokes. The weeks up to her death she had a burst of energy. She was eating like a pig, and spent her days knitting baby blankets for Charlie. When I stepped into the room I could feel it. I could sense the panic in her. She knew what was happening more then we did. I kissed her and got her toothbrush for her.

The next day I was leaving the house for my last day of work before maternity leave, and I got over come with a feeling to stop by the Kerr house...Pete was already there. When I walked into the back bedroom Pete, Ron, and Sue were all crying and holding each other. Sue looked up at me and mouthed the words "hold him".....hold my husband. Take care of my son was what she was saying. I called work and told them I would not be coming in. It was then that we stood vigil at the kerr house. Sue was getting more weak and delirious from the pain medicine by the hour. Ron made the calls, to round up the Kerr clan. That day Liz, Karen, and Elise came back from Disneyland. Kathryn came down from collage. We blended our pain and sorrow together, and leaned on each other with grief. That night we had a slumber party at the Kerr house. Sue wasnt talking much. At one point, me and Kathryn were talking about the babies room, and Sue chimed in with a "I hope it isnt ugly"! Always a sense of humor. While I went back to the house she woke up from a sleep asking for the blankets she had been knitting to put baby Charlie in...."keep her warm". This was one of the last coherent things she said. Pete fell asleep holding Sue's hand that night.

The next morning, we woke up and decided to go home for a shower. On the way back to the Kerr house we stopped by the store to get a balloon for Elise...it was her birthday today. I was standing under the bunch of balloons trying to pick out a good one. I looked up at Pete, and he said " We have to go now." He knew. We walked back in to the Kerr house and immediately headed to the back bedroom . Only a couple minutes after we arrived Sue took her last breath. We were right there. Ron was holding her hand, and we were all telling her how much we loved her. This was the moment we had spent the past 3 years dreading. With in 10 minutes after her passing Liz, Karen, and Elise had returned...minutes after that Jim and Fernanda showed up. We spent the next several hours holding each other crying, telling stories, holding Sue's hand. We put on The Sound of Music, which was Sue's favorite movie. It was breathtaking. Sue was at peace. Her body relaxed. She wasnt in any pain anymore. Along with the feeling of sadness, shock, sorrow, and pain, there were feelings of relief, comfort, and love. It wasnt untill they came to take her away, that I completely broke down. I had been trying so hard, to be strong for Pete all day, but when they took her out of her home..HER home...I couldnt control myself. Later that evening we celebrated Elise's 5th birthday. Sue died on Elises birthday. We think its so we would forever have to celebrate this day...not be saddened by it. Elis's birthday was great. We loved each other...which is what Sue taught us to do.

Pete had had a couple to many drinks that night, so I drove home. It wasnt until we drove up our drive way that I realized I might need to help him in.....all 8 months pregnant of me. I went in and got my mom to help. It wasnt so much, that he was that drunk, it was the alcohol mixed with sorrow. Once in I took Pete to the back bedroom. He then started screaming. Screaming for his mom. Yelling at death, as loud as he possibly could. I went around and shut all the window, so the neighbors would be alarmed. I sat on the couch with my mom, and listened to my husbands heart breaking. I just kept hoping he would fall asleep. How, grateful I was that I married a man, who, regardless of how it comes out, was able to express what he was feeling. A lot of people cant.

Two days later, on Sunday, was me and Pete's baby shower. We had questioned canceling it, but decided not to. Celebrate life in the midst of death. The shower meant a great deal to Sue. She had special ordered cookies for it, that arrived that day. The rest of the Kerr's went to Sunday mass that morning, while we prepared the house for our shower. The shower was wonderful. We were all exhausted, from the hard week. Jim wasnt feeling well, and had a hard time being around our pets, so he left early. The shower ended. I was exhausted, and having back pain so I hopped in the bath while Pete went to the Kerr house to have some dinner. While I was in the bath I started to hear the phone ring. Of coarse I didnt get up to answer it. ...getting up our of the bath 8 months pregnant is hard work. My phone immediately rang again, and I new something was wrong. I answered the phone and hear Peter screaming "Jim is dead, come over here". I threw on my clothes and got in the car...looked in the rear view and there was my mom and my cousin who saw me frantic and new something was wrong. When I pulled up to the house I saw a fire truck, police cars, and ambulances. My heart sank. I got out of the car and walked up to the house to see Fernanda, Jims wife, being held up by a neighbor screaming. Pete was pacing the front yard. I ran in the house and just stood there, while the emt's performed CPR. Could this really be happening? Could it? Everyone followed the ambulance to the hospital except for me, pete and michele. We just prayed, and starred at each other really. My husband was pacing around the living room praying the prayers of all prayers. "Please mom, please god, help Jim...help him Mom", but Jim was already with Sue. The Kerrs came back from the hospital, and told us he didnt make it. We didnt know what to do. We called hospice, called the crises hotline. Someone please help this family. A priest and nun came over to be with us. This is when i started feeling intense back pain, and a lot of little contractions. The baby was moving like crazy. I laid down and drank some water. It wasnt until a couple days later, at our first child birth class did I realize I was having pre-term labor that night. I had to stuff my emotions. I had to take care of my baby. Unfortunately because of this, I somedays feel like I havent properly mourned...or it just creeps up on me when im not looking. We went home at like 1 AM and fell asleep from pure exhaustion...although I wouldnt really call it sleep. I woke up to my husband sobbing. I helped him into the shower and went to put some coffee on. When I went back into the bathroom he was sitting on the shower floor sobbing "my mom, my brother. my mom, my brother". I picked him up with a towel and held him....like Sue told me too.

The following week was filled with viewings and funerals. Me and Petes first anniversary was the day after their double funeral. We just stayed in our PJ's and watched football. Writing about this horrible week, helps me relive it....im able to feel it now. I miss them both ever day. Im so proud of my family and the way they have pulled threw this incredible tragedy. It still blows my mind.

So on this first anniversary, I am not only reminded of sadness....im reminded of strength and love. I miss Sue and Jim everyday. I think about how much they would have loved Charlie. They are her angels.

Hearts pinmanship

When I first started writing Pete I had a hell of a time finding a pen, then finding a pen that worked. Everything is e-mail now and days. I dont even write checks anymore. It felt weird writing again. Im use to typing and I had to slow down my thinking so my hand would keep up.

Letters are so much more personal then e-mails. More depth. I got a letter from Pete today, with an address to send my stack of letter too. God, it felt so good to just look at his handwriting. It didnt even matter what he was writing about. I imagine his relief when he gets all of my letters and pictures. It will make him smile and maybe forget about his swollen bloody feet, or the millions of pushups he did that day...and has to do tomorrow. Relief.

Today is my little brothers 27th birthday. I cant believe it. When he was born they only gave him a 10% chance of living. He was born with a broken heart. So his birthdays mean more to me then my own. It wasnt until I became a parent did I start to understand my mom's anguish. I was driving home from Charlies first immunization shots crying my eyes out. To stand and watch your child in pain, is one of the most painful things ever. Ever. Now imagine watching your newborn go threw open heart surgery, or watch him poked with needles so many times that he just stops crying. Life changing for a mother. It wasnt just Brandons heart that was broken. It was my mom's too. So, my little brother is 27. Take that "odds". Tonight I go to bed grateful for the old school romance of pen to paper, and grateful for a great big heart that beat all odds.

Patience

Im running low on patience. Im assuming this is a side effect of the last 3 weeks of my life, that has been trying to say the least. I find myself looking at the clock all the time. Is the mail here yet? Is it time for Charlies nap......please? Is it time for a glass of wine? Is it time to go to sleep? Yet, when I took the rental car back it said on the invoice 14 days. Really? Has it really been 2 weeks? I think im in a cloud. I dont like it. I dont feel good, and im oh so irritable. I think all of this would be lifted if I just had an address. My daily letters to Pete are starting to look more like "Dear Diary's" because I feel as though im talking to myself, he isnt reading them. I called his recruiter and he couldnt get Pete's address for me because I dont have a unit number for him. Im just praying that I get a letter from him today with a return address. Im doing my best, but damn its hard. Im exhausted. I went to my cloth diaper group today, and usually this puts me in a wonderful mood. Not today. My heart has been aching so much, that I feel like ive separated it from my body. Disconnected. I went to bed the other night and laid on Pete's side of the bed staring at the ceiling. All of a sudden I sit up, and start feeling around the bedroom floor looking for the shirt of his that I didnt wash. I couldnt find it and I started crying. Crying because I caught myself in the desperate act of a woman longing for her husband, crying because im feeling sorry for myself, and crying because I just want to go to sleep with his smell. Ive always been an optimist. Always. I still am, Im just out of energy.

We watch Charlies "Daddy DVD" every morning. Gives me some time to drink a cup of coffee, because she sits so attentively watching his every move. Here is a video of her watching him. She loves him so.

Day to day

Day to day. Today.

I got an unexpected phone call from my love a couple days ago. It was awesome. I had just woken up, and heard my phone ring. Expecting it to just be the stupid insurance company just telling me something else was wrong, I answered hastily. When I heard his voice say "Bre, its Pete" I immediately broke out in a sob. Its funny that he always tells me "its Pete" on the phone. Like I wouldnt recognize his voice from a million miles away. He sounded just as relived to hear me as I was him. Its funny. Couples get so use to having each other there, that I think they dont realize how in sync and reliant they are on just each others presence. So many nights over the past 10 months, after we got the baby to sleep, we would just sit in silence. Him watching something on the TV and me on the computer dorking out over cloth diaper and mommy things. I would give anything to just sit in silence with my husband right now. Only parents can understand the romance of silence after a day of taking care of an active baby. Every once in a while we would look at each other and smile...thats all we needed.

I find myself just pretending Pete is at the beach lifeguarding. It helps. I still dont have an address to send Pete his letters. Im going to call his recruiter tomorrow and see if he cant help me out. I picture pete going to mail call, just to not have anything there and it upsets me.

I think the transition of him being gone would have been smoother if I wasnt dealing with the car crap. I really despise it. I think I have found a car that would be great for us, and I will find out tomorrow if they accepted my offer. We will see.

The days are going by faster,and for that I am grateful.

First Class-Forever

I got my first letter from Pete today. It was just in the nick of time. I just got back home from collecting all of our personal items from his car, that the insurance company, today, determined totaled. I was sobbing the whole way home. As I was gathering all of the things from his car i was flooded with my husband. His smells, his receipts, his random things he collected from the beach, his empty water bottles and energy drink cans. This was his car. He picked me up for our first date in this car. We listened to music for hours, while parked in the parking lot of my old apartment building, just talking and kissing. Listening to each other ramble about stories, and music. I felt as though I was putting to rest a part of our past that I, at times, thrived on. Now I dont have a car. I dont have the money they are going to give me for the car, because I dont have the title with Pete's signature on it. Fuck, I dont even have money for rent because I missed work due to the accident and I have no idea when I will start getting money from the Army. So, never the less my drive home for the collision shop was filled with sobbing for what was, and the longing for my best friend.

The first thing I noticed when I saw the letter was that the return address was MY home address, not the address to write him back at Ft. Lenordwood. I opened the letter, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Hello honey" I said out loud. The letter was wonderful. He started off by saying how much he misses me and Charlie. How he wakes up at night expecting to be in bed with us, and instead he is greeted with a drill Sergeant yelling at him. When he wrote the letter he was still at Reception, so he didnt have and address for me to send my letters too yet. I read the letter about 4 times. Then, I took a big breath in, and I felt better. This car crap will pass, we will get another one.

I found a stamp on the floor of Pete's car when I was cleaning it out. It had the liberty bell on it and it read "First class Forever". The same stamp was on the first letter I got from my soldier today.

Picture perfect.

I decided to dust off my film camera. I was so passionate about photography a couple years ago, but got side tracked with life, death, marriage, and kids. Horrible I know. Not that I wasnt taking pictures, but they were more for memories sake then art's sake. The moment I loaded the camera and started clicking away, I felt that old familiar love come back. Pete would be happy with this. Ill post some pictures when I get them developed, see if ive still "got it".

Got a card from Ft. Lenord Wood today. Pete had filled it out. It just said that he arrived safely and would be writing be once he is assigned to his training group with an address. It was nice to see his hand writing. It also said, that incase of emergency I had to contact the red cross to get in contact with him. Reminded me of finding the red cross letters sent to my grandma saying that my Grandfather had been killed in Korea, only to get another letter a couple days latter saying that he was alive, but wounded. What a horrible couple days that must have been for Nana.

I keep trying to focus on positive things, so I just dont sit around and mope that my husband is gone. I get to watch whatever I want on the TV, less laundry, one less person to pick up after, and I havent been kept up with Pete snoring in a week..... although im so use to it, that im finding the silence in my bedroom annoying. Ive been writing him every night, telling him all the things that I would normally share with him threw out the day. It helps a ton. 1 week down 9 to go.

30 second phone call

Got my first, and probably only, phone call from Pete today. He said he would write me with the address, he made it there fine, and he loves me. I asked him if it was what he expected, he hesitated and said yes. I cried when I got off the phone with him. After Charlie went to sleep last night I wrote Pete my first letter. Living in the age of email, its been ages since I have written a letter. In high school that was all I did, so i couldn't help but get a little gitty writing it. Then it was a letter to my boyfriend or high school crush, and now its to my husband. Kind of cool. I drew some silly pictures on it, and pointed out that i got chocolate on the letter from the candy bar i was eating....i know he will love it. I have been showing Charlie the DVD I made of the videos of her and daddy. She just kind of stared at it trying to figure out how daddy got in the TV, she then blew him a kiss and came and laid her head on my lap. Its not just my greatest love that is gone, its hers as well.

This is one of many video's Pete made for Charlie. Sorry its sideways, I couldn't figure out how to rotate it.

The missing peice

Pete left today. Well really he is 3 blocks away at a hotel. Technically he flies out on Wednesday, but they like to keep tabs on the new recruits. He will spend tomorrow at the processing station. It wasn't until he handed me his cell phone that I broke down. Not being able to call him, text him, not getting his random phone calls in the day just to tell me what he is eating. I'm trying to focus on the good that is coming from this separation. A new appreciation for my love. The past several year have been so trying on our relationship. The lose and gain our family has felt takes its toll. However, we have made it through. He is my best friend. We share everything, and I wish I could be his shadow the next 10 weeks, to see first hand what he is going through. We spent the morning making videos to show Charlie. Videos of her and daddy, singing, playing, him whispering how much he loves her. Ill post one here once I get them uploaded.

I got into a car accident 3 days ago. I'm sore, but lucky. What hurt me the most was lying in a C-spine in the hospital room and seeing my husband come walking up to me with an absolute look of fear on his face. He didn't need that right before he leaves...neither did I. We were supposed to go to a fancy dinner the night of the accident. I took an alternate way home, to stop by Ross and pick up a nice dress. Sucks. Now i'm mending an aching heart and back. I just keep reminding myself of how lucky I am. There were 4 cars involved. 2 were totaled..1 rolled. I had my angels looking out after me on Friday. Thanks Jim and Sue.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite books from my childhood "The Missing Piece". Its about a circle who is missing a piece. He goes searching for it so he can roll smoothly. Peter is my missing piece. Even though we argue like couples do, get on each others nerves, complain about little bad habits each of us have, we work well together.

When Pete and I first started dating he called me his "Johnny Cokrin". He said I was his representation. It was cute. Last night when we were cuddling after Charlie went to bed, I brought that up. He said "Ya, you are my Johnny Cokrin, and I am your OJ". We both started laughing so hard we started crying. He said "Wait, that's not right..I take it back!" I love my man.

The beginning and the end

Ive created this blog as a way to keep Pete up to speed with me and Charlie's day to day adventures, to document the trials and tribulations that come with being and Army family, and also as a form of therapy I guess. I should say right off the bat that I am horrible at grammar and spelling, but i get my point across.

Pete and I met in November 2005. I was friends with the drummer of his old band Airport 81 and we hit it off right away.Our courtship included going to see live music, traveling around with Airport 81 taking pictures of them playing, and watching zombie movies while drinking tequila...it was awesome. Pete and I moved into our first house together in October of 06. A little house in Golden Hill. Pete proposed to me July of 07. I had been cleaning all day and he stopped me in the living room on my way to the bath and said "Do you want to rock and be my wife?" Of coarse i said yes. We got married October 12 2007. I planned the wedding in 2 months. Petes mother Sue had been battling lung cancer and it meant a lot to us to have her at the wedding. The wedding was perfect. We honeymooned in Maui. March of 08 we found out we were expecting our first in December 08. 2 months before Charlie was born Sue died after a long battle with lung cancer. 2 days later, after our baby shower, Pete found his older brother Jim dead . He was 33. Charlie was born December 2 2008.....she is brilliant. Pete decided to join the army this past summer and is leaving for Basic Training Monday. Our life in a nutshell. Of coarse there is a lot missing. I could write a book about the details of our life, but i wont. More shall be revealed in future blogs. This is the beginning of our new life....our Army life, consisting of who knows what, who knows where, and who knows when. Sounds exciting, right? This is also the end of and old life. A life where I have a husband who feels like he isnt doing what he should be, the end of just settling. So, the beginning and the end.