Getting use to the void.

I dont know which is worse. The initial pain of having your love be gone, or getting use to them not being there. At first it was a sharp intense pain, now its more like a throbbing headache. Its horrible getting use to not having Pete here. Its all wrong. I find myself trying to remember his smell. The shirt that I didnt wash doesnt smell like him anymore.

Me and Charlie getting use to our love being gone, just reaffirms to me that our lives will never be the same. Even when Pete is done with his training and we are a family again...it wont be the same. Pete wont be the same. He is going to come home a different man, and I a different woman. Charlie is changing by the second as well. Being aware of the looming change, and trying my best to not have expectations I think will help us adapt to our new lives. Trying to look at it as an adventure. Hopefully Pete will come home more confident then ever, and I am discovering a lot of inner strength and confidence in my capability as a mother. Charlie is becoming this amazing human being...right before my eyes. My heart aches at what Pete is missing by being away, not as much as his heart aches though. Sacrifices for the better is what I keep telling myself.....seems as though im talking to myself a lot these days.

Less then 4 weeks till Pete's graduation from Basic Training. We get to take him off base for 8 hours or so. It will be so wonderful, but not nearly enough time. The day after graduation Pete leaves for his Advance Individual Training which is 19 weeks long. He will get to come home for Christmas, and AIT isnt quite as intense as BCT. April cant come soon enough. I close my eyes and pretend to be in a U-hal with Pete and Charlie getting ready to start our new life together as a family. I tell ya one thing. After all of this is said and done, I will never take the moments we have together as a family for granted. Every second is precious.